JW: Prosperity

 JW: Prosperity, wherefore art thou?

P: In the still water, I am here, waiting for you ... available to you.

JW: Why can't I see that?

P: You are not standing still, not allowing the sediment of your life to settle and allow the water to clear. You are jumbled, turbulent with past beliefs and misconceptions.

JW: How do I let the water clear? What do I do or do't do?

P: Shining at the bottom of the clear water, I, Prosperity, am there for anyone who wants to bend over and take me in. I am not hard to get. You don't have to work and toil, sweat and fret. You simply have to be still and I will come to you.

JW: That doesn't make sense and I still don't know how to let the waters of myself grow clear.

P: Let go of distractions that rile the waters -- fears, expectations, insecurities that cling to you like mud, weighing you down with yesterdays, keeping you from walking free into the clear waters where you will find what you need. I will be there.

JW: That sounds like I need a shower.

P: You do. Imagine yourself standing under a beautiful, gentle waterfall and imagine it washing away all the hurts and disappointments, all the thoughts that have kept you bound to old ideas of what you deserve, what the world offers you.

When you step out of the pool, the world will look different -- fresher, cleaner, more welcoming. It will not only look different, it will be different. You will be walking free into the welcoming world of Prosperity. You will be welcomed because we need what you will be carrying when you walk free of that mud.

JW: This sounds like a fairytale.

P: That is old mud speaking.

JW: Is this something everyone carries?

P: Not everyone, but most.

EWR rereading this post this morning I am struck by the beauty of the metaphor. There is so much redemptive promise in this offering. How many times have we been advised: “It is all about letting go of the negativity, of the “slings and arrows”, and letting the peaceful, cleansing waters envelope and caress us. Striving and grasping are the pitfalls of true desire, the misbegotten narcissism that kept Tantalus hopelessly absorbed in his image and Ulysses strapped to the mast. When the Vulcan wished us to “Live long and prosper” he meant to live in gratitude and trust in a benevolence that is much greater than we know. 

JW: grateful for your words and presence on this journey.

*******

JW: Is there an afterglow of the intensive journal process?

After our journal session, it amused me (darkly) to find myself grappling with the "competition monster.' I thought it would be another's issue, but then it landed on my shoulder, dissatisfied with my words, picking at scabs, wanting bolts of lightning to enlighten the horizon. I carried it with me into another call with a friend familiar with my backstory and, although I tried to brush it away, she heard its voice and settled in to listen.

When I talked about the shell and my fear that it was either empty or full of monsters, she reminded me that she had heard about this shell before and thought it might want more attention. She also used the phrase: "When you're ready."

What does it take to be ready? I wondered and thought about doing mushrooms, taking a day off to meet "it" head on. A short journal entry before being pulled back to busyness (business) took time to show up:

When you are ready, the shell is there calling to you ... is it empty, full of pain and horrors, or maybe sweet M&Ms? (resistance speaking?) Do I want to know? yes. Why? it is a part of who I am, a piece of my bedrock. To avoid it means I'll never truly know who I am.

Maybe I should do some mushrooms tomorrow? Just two to see if it breaks anything loose, maybe after my morning Field Guide. I would like to break through some of this resistance.

This morning, however, I stayed in the twilight zone and conjured an image of sitting under a waterfall with warm, healing waters pouring over me. For more than an hour, I stayed in bed allowing that image to expand and then wrote:

In a deep forest, water from a hot spring flows over a gentle waterfall to where I sit below on a flat, earth-gold rock under its warm, healing waters. I sit in lotus position with the waters pouring across my head and shoulders like a massage of a thousand fingers. 

In my arms, I hold a precious, egg-shaped shell of a brilliant blue color, washed clean by the healing waters. The shell is part of me passed down through ages unknown. Within it is the mystery of me. Within it beats the pulse of my life. Within it lies the Great Mystery of All ... pregnant with love.

I've thought of the shell as hard, tough, unbreakable ... and wondered what might lie within ... probably nothing ... empty, I thought. Julian made me wonder if it were full of pain and horrors. Yesterday, it occurred to me that it might be full of sweet m&m's. (Most likely a resistance reaction trying to pull me back into Pollyanna land.) Now, it occurs to me that I am holding this shell rather than it holding me.

One, more analytical thought, is that the competition monster might be a guide. In this particular case, he seems to have served to flag resistance.